We use the term “appropriate” often in long-term care settings.

I wonder how I would feel if someone said:

Emi’s mother used to be independent, but her dementia progressed to the point where she is no longer appropriate for the floor for alert and oriented residents. Because she disturbs other people, she should move upstairs to the dementia unit. She can be with people who have similar cognitive and care levels, so that she will be safe and better cared for.

I might feel strong resentment toward whoever made this comment. Someone I love will always be appropriate for me, even if their behavior is not always pleasant due to their disease.

The term “appropriate” can be quite judgmental, especially when it is used to describe people. Who decides which elders are appropriate and which are not?  We should remember that we are talking about people who are full of life experience. They are also someone’s spouse, mother, friend, or mentor.

I hope we can all be more careful about when and how we use the term “appropriate.”